‘Bardo: False Chronicles…’ Is as Pretentious As It Sounds

Alejandro G. Inarritu’s “Bardo: False Chronicles of a Handful of Truths” is one of the silliest films I’ve seen all year, a work that takes big swings and strikes out almost as often as it hits a home run.

It’s also visually splendid, full of sights I’m grateful to have witnessed. In a movie year full of divisive titles (such as “Nope,” “Babylon,” “Men” and “Everything Everywhere All At Once”), this is yet another example of a film that has a devoted cult following, demands a stump speech defense to the detractors and sports brilliance alongside its flaws.

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An award-winning journalist is summoned to a high-profile interview and uneasy with his status as an award-winning director in America and a heavily scrutinized figure in his native country of Mexico.

Episodic and rambling, it unravels in the third act. What holds it together, even at 160-minutes, is a series of impeccably designed and staged sequences.

“Bardo” is sometimes overly broad and often silly, but occasionally thrilling. Inarritu will indulge in moments that he should have been talked out of, like having a baby appear and disappear from his mother’s womb (its far more outrageous than how I’m describing it), though the subtext of the moment lingers in the mind.

Many scenes are like this – if Inarritu has made a no-holds-barred passion project (and all of this is clearly very personal to Inarritu), at least he did it as a generously budgeted waking dream.

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There are enough successful passages and some key scenes that are truly magical, that make it worth seeing. I loved the introduction, which brings to mind a favorite cartoon from my youth: The incredible opening shot is reminiscent of Osamu Tezuka’s “Jumping” (1984), among my absolute favorite animated short films.

Silverio Gama (Daniel Gimenez Cacho) is our protagonist and, obviously, a stand in for Inarritu. A misstep was making him a documentarian. Why? He’s obviously world famous, cinematically minded and very rich – can you imagine Erroll Morris living this kind of lifestyle?

Cacho is a fine actor but I never cared about Gama, only what was going on inside his head.

A character states that “Mexico isn’t a place but a state of mind.” Despite sequences where Mexico’s past and present intertwine, “Bardo” is more about being Inarritu than a focused commentary on the social structure of Mexico.

Inarritu loves impossible mirror angles, in which CGI allows for the camera to be in places that would normally be picked up by the camera.

“Bardo” wants to be “8 and a Half,” “Knight of Cups,” though there are also nods to Stanley Kubrick and Luis Bunuel. Darius Khondji’s cinematography is dazzling even when the film briefly touches down in “reality.”

A slow, striking scene in which Silverio encounters Cortes (yes, that Cortes!) atop a giant pile of corpses has a great punchline. A dance sequence is thrilling, among the best scenes of its kind ever staged (it must’ve taken forever to figure out how to choreograph the camera and the dancers).

 

 
 
 
 
 
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There comes a point where it simply runs out of air and slowly deflates: the third act, with blatant steals from “The Tree of Life” and “All That Jazz” (although, if you’re going to steal, steal from the best) fail to provide a true emotional climax.

I’m not a fan of Inarritu’s Best Picture-winning “Birdman,” with its look-at-me filmmaking not compensating for the lack of a single appealing character. Watching Inarritu’s new movie is kind of like “Birdman” without Michael Keaton in it.

When the film leans into Solverio, I did my part and paid attention, but only the most surreal moments transported me.

Take it or leave it, this is as personal and self-indulgent as movies get. The word “pretentious” doesn’t scare me, as I’d rather see a filmmaker strut with confidence and make a film like this than a forgettable, safe and disposable audience pleaser.

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Inarritu found mainstream success and Oscar glory with his wild, uneven “Birdman” (2014) and his far sturdier “The Revenant” (2015). This is one of those films that could only have been made, let alone financed, as a result of back-to-back monster hits. If you’re willing to wiggle around in Inarritu’s subconscious, which I think is the idea, than you’ll find much here to relish.

If you’re saying “Oh, give me a break!” after the opening ten minutes, then you’ll likely be hurling vegetables at the screen.

A character says on screen that “People come and go. Ideas are what remain.” I couldn’t agree more, as the visual heights of Inarritu’s film are the true selling point but the characters and plot are not. I didn’t care about the dreamer but loved his dreams.

Three Stars

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Treason Review: A Breezy Espionage Series with Procedural Flaws

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‘The Whale’ Punishes Us from Start to Finish

Darren Aronofsky’s “The Whale” is a painful new drama that has been touted for months as the marking the return of its star, Brendan Fraser.

It’s also a quasi-comeback for Aronofsky, whose prior film, “mother!” (2017) inspired audiences to cry uncle, despite being an admirable and thought-provoking experiment.

His latest is only slightly more endearing, which is to say that the defiantly anti-commercial wizard who broke out with “Pi” (1998), jolted the world with his “Requiem for a Dream” (2000) and found mainstream success with his sensational “Black Swan” refuses to go easy on the popcorn crowd.

Aronofsky’s films are prickly as Polanski’s and his latest, like the best of 2022, will inspire love-it-or-hate-it reactions.

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Fraser stars as Charlie, an obese college professor who teaches classes online, lives alone and is mourning the death of his lover. The appearances of his estranged daughter (well played by Sadie Sink of “Stranger Things”), his best friend (an effective Hong Chau), his ex-wife (a memorable turn from Samantha Morton) and a missionary (Ty Simpkins) force Charlie to reconsider his life choices and face those he is still able to connect to.

At times, Charlie seems to relish opportunities to face those he has hurt in the past. At other times, it looks like he’s eating himself to death.

Anyone who has paid attention to Fraser’s career will note that he never went away.

Fraser recently stole Danny Boyle’s “Trust,” about the 1973 Getty kidnapping (the 10-part FX mini-series was overshadowed by Ridley Scott’s “All the Money in the World”). Here, only Fraser’s expressive eyes reminded me he was playing Charlie.

Otherwise, the actor is unrecognizable, and his performance here is extraordinary. While Aronofsky works hard to give this style and distinction, Fraser’s performance is really the best and only reason to see “The Whale.”

The screenplay is by Samuel D. Hunter, who based this on his play. Had I never seen this movie and only experienced it on stage, I’m guessing it would have made for an insufferable evening. Perhaps I’m wrong, but it feels like a bad play, which makes me wonder why Aronofsky took this on as a passion project.

With its single setting and characters constantly entering and exiting like it’s an episode of “Three’s Company,” the movie is barely better than a filmed play.

Despite how crossover mainstream success (“Black Swan” and “Noah” were both sizable hits), Aronofsky is still the man who made “Requiem for a Dream.” What I’m trying to say is that, along with Lars Von Trier and Gaspar Noe, he’s one of those directors who enjoys hurting his audience, leaving us with a big bite on our arms as we stumble out into the lobby.

If you appreciate his work – and you should, because he’s an artist and most of his films are remarkable – then the discomfort “The Whale” brings will be worth it. For everyone else, you won’t find a better holiday mood killer than this one.

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The angle of a tortured father/daughter reconciliation was handled better and felt more realistic in Aronofsky’s “The Wrestler” (2008). The Oscar-nominated film proved a superior example of a character study that focused on a hard-to-like but fascinating figure.

“The Whale” has an ugly color palette but a story that mixes sentiment with impossible to watch scenes of Fraser gorging on a pizza or walking around his apartment in various states of undress. Many have questioned whether the film is sympathetic towards Charlie or exploiting him – I think there’s deep compassion in Fraser’s performance but a determination by Aronofsky to, as always, keep things ugly.

The result is akin to the most off-putting Hallmark movie imaginable.

Two and a Half Stars

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Damien Chazelle’s “Babylon” has already inspired mountains of articles that declare it either a masterpiece or a foul disaster, which is all the proof I need that it will be discussed for years and, perhaps belatedly, be declared some kind of classic.

Let me jump ahead and say I’ll be among the admirers who loved it from day one.

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“Babylon” begins in 1922, at an out of control, sex and drugs-fueled party that, obviously, is based on the tragic event that ruined the film career of the once beloved “Fatty” Arbuckle.

It’s shocking to witness how far Chazelle takes this, right from the start. After the introductory business with an elephant (in indication of how crass the movie is willing to go), we get an all-stops out depiction of a debaucheries Hollywood party and a recreation of the death that Arbuckle scandal and the events that swirled around it.

We meet our main characters:

  • Jack Conrad (Brad Pitt), a Clark Gable-like movie star who can’t overcome his B-movie status.
  • Manuel (Diego Calva), who will demonstrate how far he will go to get into the film industry.
  • Nellie LaRoy (Margot Robbie), who, like Manuel, crashes the party in a desperate effort to make a connection.
  • Sidney Palmer (Jovan Adepo), a musician who is sickened by the lack of art and true artists around him.
  • Lady Fay Zhu (Li Jun Li), a performer with a carnal act and industry connections.
  • Elinor St. John (Jean Smart), a Hollywood gossip columnist both engrossed and repelled by the industry.

It’s a lot for one movie, let alone a 3-hour epic with E.L. Doctorow-like ambitions and narrative goals. To Chazelle’s credit – he allows enough scenes for the supporting characters to explore how Hollywood marginalizes those lacking connections and/or victims to horrendous stereotyping.

I understand the perspective of those who hate it: indeed, it’s too long, really disgusting at times, not always willing to explore the confrontational topics it brings up and has at least seven supporting characters too many.

The detractors will tell you those complaints are just for starters. Fair enough, it’s not perfect (unlike Chazelle’s prior film, “First Man,” the best film of 2018). Nevertheless, as hard as the film is to recommend to most people (that R-rating is a joke – this is what the extinct NC-17 was made for), it’s one of my favorite films of the year and is a lot smarter than most seem to realize.

Adepo’s character is initially on the sidelines but becomes a key figure in exploring the issue of racism in early Hollywood films. The horrible indignity he eventually faces will likely become the film’s most discussed scene. The characters are shown at their most vulnerable, though Chazelle stops short at humanizing any of these opportunists.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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“Babylon” reminds me a lot of my favorite John Schlesinger film, the long out of print “The Day of the Locust” (1975), which matches this in its depiction of Hollywood being (almost literally) connected to Dante’s circles of hell and the trails of wreckage left by those who create movie magic.

There are also elements of “Singin’ in the Rain” (though Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly would likely have hated this movie) crossed with a MAD Magazine parody.

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Yes, “Babylon” is extremely vulgar, but it’s also really funny and has some of the best sequences about filmmaking I’ve ever seen. The madcap sequence of a crazed German director (a hilarious Spike Jonze) racing against a perfect sunset and a brilliantly edited set piece portraying a set failing to adapt to the sound era, are tour de forces (the latter has a De Palma-esque precision, complexity and sense of humor).

By the time the viewer arrives at the perverse Tobey Maguire section (which seems included to encourage audiences on the fence about walking out to leave immediately), I was taken by the bawdy spectacle, pulpy storytelling and suggestion that, as film art rises, the morals and self-control of those who make movies ascends into hell.

Chazelle often oversteps here, bombarding his audience with rancor and gross-out moments. You wouldn’t believe that the story could possibly distance itself from its grotesque opening, but it does; there are moving scenes and the central characters develop nicely.

When it comes to its bittersweet conclusion, full of visions from cinema history, Chazelle refrains from unabashed nostalgia. Instead, he seems to be saying that the magic of Hollywood is how art is made despite the monsters who make them.

Since “Babylon” is an elaborate period piece, it makes me wonder if Chazelle has seen something as a Hollywood insider while making “First Man” that inspired him to make this. Most share Chazelle’s fascination with Hollywood’s underworld and never-ending cess pool of sensational gossip and this element seems to have motivated the direction of the story.

Calling “Babylon” a love letter to the movies, however, is a stretch. The film is all the better for showing us how everyone working behind the camera is capable of maintaining a moral center but ignores it. Like “The Day of the Locust,” this is an ugly ode to Hollywood (and Chazelle is absolutely biting the hand that feeds him) but as a sad cautionary tale, it’s always engrossing.

2022 is already a year overloaded with films about moviemaking: the dour “Blonde,” the self-adoring “The Fabelmans,” “Bardo” (technically about documentary filmmaking but still), and “Nope.” Chazelle’s film, like his celebrated “La La Land,” finds wonder in the possibility of making great art but turns on its audience by showing us everything we dread about the main characters and their doomed trajectory.

As St. John explains, it’s a system that repeats itself, recycles mistakes, downgrades people and, somehow, leaves great film art (and, contrastly, dark film history) in its wake. If “La La Land” was romanticized and hopeful, this is cynical and mournful.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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In addition to the aforementioned “The Day of the Locust,” Chazelle’s film is also in the good company of “The Wild Party” (a much milder take on the Arbuckle tragedy), “Inside Daisy Clover” and, easily the most underrated film of the 1980’s, Blake Edwards’ “Sunset” (1988), which was doomed by a studio that improperly marketed it as a comedy; “Sunset” depicted Wyatt Earp’s days as a advisor on Tom Mix’s films, matches the portrait of sleaze and

Smart’s big, wonderful monologue with Pitt, where she explains to him how his image will spend eternity with “angels and ghosts,” is wonderful, as well as entirely true.

As Elinor St. John informs Conrad late in the film, being able to thread film of him through a sprocket is a means of connecting with an audience that has yet to be born. That’s as misty eyed as the film gets about Hollywood movie magic, period.

Otherwise, “Babylon” is bitter about film history, particularly about the sordid stories that have never ceased to dribble out of the entertainment industry. Although set in 1922, it easily could take place in 2022, as the grotesque excesses depicted are exactly what most suspect the rich and protected are doing in “The Big Nipple,” which was Bernardo Bertolucci’s nickname for Hollywood (and a fine alternate title for this movie).

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Having seen the film twice, the ending is neither as sentimental nor tidy as I originally assumed. Yes, a character is watching a classic film and making a mental connection between his past experiences and the iconic movie he’s watching for the first time; however, the movie in question isn’t as saying one story inspired one another as much as Hollywood magic can alter how we perceive our pasts.

Also, the remarkable montage that follows, in which the cinema history is encapsulated into a few minutes, is less about the quality of art than the technical evolution of it.

As earlier scenes show intimate close ups of cameras being loaded and run, the closing footage demonstrates how the developing film technology has not simply progressed but how, in frames either chemical or pixelated, our past and present, both true and fabricated, are eternally preserved.

Three and a Half Stars

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Dueling ‘Pinocchios’: Why del Toro Trumps Zemeckis

The little wooden puppet who longs to be a real boy is having quite the movie year.

Based on Carlo Collodi’s 1883 novel, the character has been reborn in the form of two lavish, state of the art 2022 films from distinguished directors. In the hands of Robert Zemeckis, his “Pinocchio” (on Disney +) was a live-action, mostly faithful adaptation of the classic 1940 Disney animated film.

A very different take on the character emerges as “Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio” (on Netflix) is an expectedly quirky and dark stop-motion animated film.

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First the bad news: Zemeckis’ film is indigestible and somehow even worse than his recent botch of “The Witches” (2020).

Some directors have flourished when connecting with the ongoing progress of computer-generated imagery and its possibilities; with Zemeckis, the early triumphs of “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” (1988), “Forrest Gump” (1994) and “Contact” (1997) led to the experimental and mostly successful “The Polar Express” (1994).

Sporting a desire for digital realism, 3-D enhancement and the latest in visual effects technology, Zemeckis’ commitment to CGI-powered filmmaking is nearly on par with James Cameron.

Sadly, only his recent “Flight” (2012) is worthy of his earlier body of work. The rest of his recent output, including “A Christmas Carol” (2009) and “The Walk” (2015) sport impressive but obvious CGI and lackluster screenplays (I have yet to see “Welcome to Marwen”).

Zemeckis’ insistence on the best special effects possible is pointless if the script is awful.

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Take his “Pinocchio,” with its elaborate, endless stream of CGI characters and visual from the very start – yes, Jiminy Cricket is now composed of pixels, but the effect is not the same.

The cricket now resembles an action figure and is nowhere near as adorable as his former cartoon form. In fact, the character’s recent appearance in “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” is preferable.

The story is mostly the same, with Tom Hanks as the fatherless carpenter who creates the puppet Pinocchio, which the Blue Fairy (Cynthia Erivo) brings to life. The arrival at Pleasure Island and the climactic battle with Monstro are intact. New additions include a pile of excrement that Pinocchio inspects, a reference to Chris Pine(!) and Hanks singing about “pizza pie.”

It turns out Zemeckis only looked good for the project on paper and is actually as wrong for the material as Tim Burton was for the similarly doomed “Dumbo.”

The screenplay by Zemeckis and Chris Weitz boasts bad dialogue from top to bottom. Sporting a rotten sense of humor, everyone in the cast (and even composer Alan Silvestri) is trying too hard to make this work.

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Zemeckis repeats a lot of moments from “The Polar Express” but can’t make them fresh a second time. What works are the action sequences, which seem designed to suggest possible new rides at Disney parks.

Hanks, in his fourth collaboration with Zemeckis (after “Forrest Gump,” “Cast Away” and “The Polar Express”) sports an always-changing accent and is too young to play Geppetto and Zemeckis finds all sorts of ways to embarrass his star.

The whole thing is hard to sit through, and I can’t imagine a child finding this preferable to the far more colorful, endearing, and edgier original. For all the technical wizardry and new songs (if you can call them that), this is a major dud.

At the midpoint, discovering his son is headed for Pleasure Island, Hanks’ Geppetto looks right at the camera and yells, “A catastrophe!”

He’s right.

As live-action adaptations of “Pinocchio” go, only the 1984 “Fairy Tale Theater” version, starring Paul Reubens as the title character and Alan Arkin as Geppetto, is any good.

On the other hand, there’s “Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio,” a stop-motion animated film that takes liberties with the original story but connects to the feeling of loss, parental dread and hard childhood lessons from the source.

It opens with an emotional prolog, establishing the prior relationship Geppetto shared with his son before Pinocchio and how it inspired the creation of a wooden boy. Pinocchio’s guide is Sebastian J. Cricket, voiced by Ewan McGregor, in a wonderful turn.

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While a whale still figures in Pinocchio’s journey of growth and discovery, the setting is now Italy during World War I.

Directed by del Toro and Mark Gustafson, this version of Pinocchio had a limited run in theaters and went straight to Netflix. Considering how audiences largely ignored del Toro’s prior period piece, the superb “Nightmare Alley” (last year’s best film and a massive flop in theaters), it was wise to release this in a format with the potential for the widest audience reach.

Some of the character designs may scare kids: There’s now a supernatural subplot involving Pinocchio’s inability to die, which amounts to some amusing and visually startling character designs.

In terms of the tone, look and high caliber of the animation, this is the first stop-motion animated film in some time that merits comparison with “The Nightmare Before Christmas.”

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Del Toro’s film deals with grief, the rise of fascism and the problem with anthropomorphism. Let’s talk about that word- anthropomorphism is defined as “the attribution of human characteristics onto a god, animal or object.”

I’ve always thought of anthropomorphism when discussing characters based on animals, such as Disney characters or, for example, my favorite comic book character (but not my favorite comic book movie), Howard the Duck.

“Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio” really made me think about how carving our names into wood, let alone creating a wooden puppet, taken from a fallen tree, and whittled down into the general shape of a boy, is a gesture of remembrance.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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I don’t know that any prior version of this story, not even the sweetest scenes of the 1940 Disney film, ever made me consider the aching need within Geppetto more. Pinocchio’s “birth” is akin to the creation of Frankenstein’s monster, an intentional touch that extends to the unexpected supernatural angle that develops.

Pinocchio’s introductory number, a musical goof on a showstopper, is hilarious. All of the songs and the score by Alexandre Desplat are lovely. While “Ciao, Papa” is an Oscar front runner, any of the songs are award worthy, as is the film itself.

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As stop-motion animation films go, this feels like a next-level achievement, in terms of the technique and the content. It’s not every day that you see a Pinocchio with a heartbreaking origin story, as well as a mockery of fascism and an existentialist angle on the title character.

Another wise touch: Pinocchio himself (voiced by Gregory Mann) is often annoying, clumsy and cocky in ways that make him feel authentically childlike, as opposed to Disney-cute.

It can be argued that no Pinocchio film adaptation will come close to matching the wonder and terror of the 1940 animated film. That may still be true, but this doesn’t just come close but succeeds in breaking new ground in how the oft-told tale is presented.

There are, indeed, monsters in del Toro’s latest, though the title character is something is a misshapen creature himself, surrounded by figures (like Christoph Waltz’s Volpe and Cate Blanchett’s hilarious work as Volpe’s monkey assistant) who are grotesque on the surface and because of how they exploit Pinocchio.

It’s been said that this was a pet project for del Toro and that it took him years to acquire financing, as well as momentum to see the project finished. The effort is visible, as is the passion. “Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio” is among the best films of 2022.

Disney’s Pinocchio: One Star
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio: Four Stars

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Dwayne Johnson Had A Little Too Much Fun With The Tequila, Then Went Full Dwanta Claus

Sounds like The Rock had a very good holiday.

Margot Robbie And Jean Smart Talk Deepfakes, Porn, And How They Could Impact Movies In The Future

Margot Robbie and Jean Smart talk about the implications of Deepfakes on their careers as actors.

Love Actually Fans Are Shocked By Real-Life Age Difference Between Keira Knightley And Thomas Brodie-Sangster

Love Actually fans have learned a fact about Keira Knightley And Thomas Brodie-Sangster they are shocked by.

Chris Pratt, Kim Kardashian And 3 Other Celebrities Who've Crushed Elf On The Shelf This Year

Ryan Reynolds and other celebs have absolutely crushed their Elf on the Shelf duties this year!

Watch Chris Pratt Tell The Story Of How He Got Stung In The Eye Because He Thought He Could 'Control Bees'

Chris Pratt got stung by a bee after becoming inspired by a viral beekeeper on social media.

Industry Insider Claims 'Big-Name People In Hollywood Will Steer Clear' Of Johnny Depp After Allegations And Amber Heard Case

Following the Depp-Heard trial, it's still unclear how the actors' careers will be affected in the long haul.

The Whale Writer Explains Where He Thinks The Backlash To Brendan Fraser's Casting Is Coming From

The Whale's playwright and screenplay writer, Samuel D. Hunter, shares his thoughts on reactions to The Whale.

Rian Johnson Explains How He Got One Of The Biggest Cameos In Glass Onion, And How Stephen Sondheim Helped

Glass Onion's all-star cast extends beyond the room full of suspects.

Jason Momoa Goes Shirtless While Working On His Vintage Motorcycle In Malibu, Sadly Didn’t Wear That Cheeky Malo

Jason Momoa was recently spotted working on one of his motorcycles shirtless, but the malo wasn’t part of his wardrobe ensemble this time.

Scream Creator Explains How Neve Campbell Guided Sidney’s Story In The Third Movie (And Now I’m Even More Sad She’s Gone)

Neve Campbell brought a ton to Scream's Sidney Prescott in her years playing the final girl.

What's Happening With Top Gun: Maverick Lawsuit As Tom Cruise Blockbuster Hits Streaming

Top Gun: Maverick is finally on streaming, but its potential legal woes may still be very much present.

Violent Night Is Now Available To Watch At Home, And Fans Have The Best Responses

If you thought critics were going nuts over Violent Night in theaters, you should see how fans are reacting to its recent release on digital platforms.

Samuel L Jackson Gets Called Out On Twitter For 'Liking' Hardcore Porn Posts On His Birthday

Samuel L. Jackson has certainly caught the eye of his fans on Twitter thanks to his recent social media history displaying hardcore porn.

Someone Spent Over $300K On The Iconic Ferrari From Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (But They Can’t Actually Drive It)

One Ferris Bueller’s Day Off fan paid over $300,000 for the movie’s iconic Ferrari, but they won’t be able to actually drive it.

Megan Fox And The 365 Days Actor Are Making A Movie Together, And Sign Me Up

Megan Fox is set to star in a sci-fi thriller opposite 365 Days actor Michele Morrone.

Glass Onion’s Rian Johnson Gives A+ Reason Why Only Daniel Craig Should Return For Future Knives Out Sequels

Don't expect to see anybody but Daniel Craig return for Knives Out 3.

Brooke Shields Reminisces On The Nudity, Pneumonia, And Rat Infestation That Came With Shooting Blue Lagoon

Brooke Shields went through some wild experiences filming The Blue Lagoon at just 14 years old.

Following Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom Reunion, Harrison Ford Praised Ke Huy Quan's Performance In Everything Everywhere All At Once

Harrison Ford praised Key Huy Quan for his performance in Everything Everywhere All At Once after reuniting recently for the first time since Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Home Alone Fan Shares TikTok Explaining How The Family Forgot Kevin In The Christmas Classic, And People Are Freaking In The Comments

There's a key scene in Home Alone a lot of people have apparently missed.

Brokeback Mountain’s Ang Lee On ‘Friction’ Between Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal And How Heath Was A ‘Natural Cowboy’

Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal both got Oscar noms for their performances in Brokeback Mountain.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Jerry Bruckheimer Offers Update After Margot Robbie Claimed Her Movie Was Scrapped

Jerry Bruckheimer gives an update about the future of Margot Robbie's Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Jared Padalecki Has Weighed In On The Titanic Door Debate, Because Why Not?

Jared Padalecki has given his opinion on the Titanic door debate just for the sake of giving it.

The Best Movies of 2022 (And a ‘Maverick’ Shall Lead Them)

Tom Cruise didn’t just prove audiences longed to go back to the theater.

The megastar delivered an apolitical smash that united critics and fans alike. Except “Top Gun: Maverick” did even more than that.

The film checked all the boxes that matter at the modern cineplex.

  • Nostalgia
  • Franchise synergy
  • Action
  • Romance
  • Quality performances
  • Heroism, straight up

 Not bad for a sequel 36 years in the making.

“Maverick” is this critic’s Movie of the Year, and it wasn’t close. The following films similarly defied expectations, kept audiences riveted and showed that while Hollywood is still steering into a woke ditch there’s room for hope.

The following are in no particular order:

“The Banshees of Inisherin”

A simple, searing tale of a friendship gone south, “Inisherin” is so cold you’ll shiver in your seats. The coal black humor has plenty of bite, but it’s the bigger picture that leaves us rattled. Mortality is the film’s uncredited co-star, hanging over the characters like a thick, suffocating cloak.

Colin Farrell has never been better.

“She Said”

The last thing we needed this year is a film celebrating journalism. Twitter Files, anyone?

Don’t hold that against “She Said,” a smart film that honors women who helped both victims of sexual assault and the culture at large.

It’s not Megan Twohey and Jodi Kantor’s fault that their industry is corrupt beyond measure. The journalists, played by Carey Mulligan and Zoe Kazan respectfully, helped bring down Harvey Weinstein with their dogged, and sometimes messy, reportage.

What could have been sleep-inducing on screen — look, a source returned our call! – became a tribute to those who brought a Hollywood monster to justice.

“Eternal Spring”

Hollywood won’t lay a glove on China. There’s too much money at stake, for starters, even if that cash spigot is starting to run dry. That leaves it to indie filmmakers like Jason Loftus to tell the stories others won’t. And this tale of Chinese religious and speech suppression, spun from gloriously sharp animation, is a keeper.

“I Want You Back”

The rom-com isn’t dead, but its vitals are weak and the prognosis looks grim. This year’s “Ticket to Paradise” gave the genre a B12 vitamin blast, but this Amazon Prime original suggested the best is yet to come.

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The superb duo of Jenny Slate and Charlie Day fueled this charmer, a story sparked by a silly gimmick but punctuated by relatable woes.

“Terrifier 2”

The year’s best horror scene found Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) taunting his prey in a costume shop. It’s just one trick of many in this over-the-top sequel, a film that’s too long on paper but just right when you’re settled into your seat.

The gore is relentless and not for even those with relatively strong stomachs. If that hasn’t weeded you out, you’re in for a treat. Is there any doubt that Thornton’s clown is the best movie monster in ages?

“X”

Director Ti West treats the horror genre with tender loving care. His previous films (like “The House of the Devil”) wallowed in slow-burn intensity, but “X” gets to the good stuff more quickly. The scares are smartly delivered, the actors give performances far better than a slasher film deserves and the backstory lent itself to a curious but compelling prequel (“Pearl”).

What more do you need?

“Men”

Director Alex Garland’s horror treat smacks of woke contrivances, down to its minimalist title. And, clearly, the story takes a not-too-fond assessment of a specific gender.

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The delivery system is far from woke, though. Jessie Buckley’s journey down a rabbit hole of guilt and regret serves up some of the year’s most memorable images, Grade-A scares and twists you’ll never, ever see coming.

The Menu”

Why isn’t Ralph Fiennes in the thick of the Best Supporting Actor race? Perhaps that doesn’t matter, since his performance will be remembered long after his peers’ work fades from memory. Plus, the modern Oscar race proves less vital with every Identity Politics stunt.

The thriller mocks culinary excess while satirizing the easiest target around – the wealthy elite. The tension served up is too scrumptious to belabor that point.

What Is a Woman?

The year’s most subversive film reminds us why documentaries (still) matter. Matt Walsh, whose desert-dry questioning is a thing of beauty, dissects those eager to dodge some of today’s most essential questions and their fallout.

This isn’t hateful or problematic. Some questions deserve answers, and the act of asking them is suddenly problematic in 2022. Shame on all of us, even critics who refused to engage with the film.

The post The Best Movies of 2022 (And a ‘Maverick’ Shall Lead Them) appeared first on Hollywood in Toto.



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Matt Damon Honored Ocean’s Pal George Clooney At Ceremony With A Poop Joke

To honor George Clooney, Matt Damon talked about a poop joke.

Channing Tatum’s Intense Lap Dance Scene Was ‘Very’ Physically Challenging, According To Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek talks about the “very” physically challenging lap dance she shared with Channing Tatum.

Jerry Bruckheimer Admits They Tried To Kill Off Johnny Depp In Pirates Of The Caribbean: ‘It Didn’t Work’

It turns out you just can't kill Captain Jack Sparrow.

James Cameron Has A Message For The Fans Who Helped Avatar 2 Make Over $441 Million This Weekend

Avatar: The Way of Water had a massive opening and James Cameron has responded.

‘Puss in Boots: The Last Wish’ Is the Antonio Banderas Show (And Little Else)

One of the joys of catching up with the title characters of “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” is revisiting the perfect synergy of the title character and Antonio Banderas in the lead vocal performance.

When the character popped up in the wildly successful but middle of the road “Shrek 2” (2004), it allowed for some welcome scene stealing that was too much for a flimsy sequel.

Once Banderas was given full reign of the role and provided his own vehicle, the actor and character went to town and doused the audience with catnip. Seriously, if you haven’t seen “Puss in Boots” since its run in 2011, it’s not just better than you remembered but superior to the entire “Shrek” franchise it spun off from.

The first true Puss in Boots sequel is being released belatedly (more on that later) and falls somewhat short from the first vehicle, but it has enough going for it and is an ideal family offering for the holiday season.

Also, for cat lovers, there’s no resisting the sight of the title character sitting alone at a bar, hungrily licking from a tall glass of la leche.

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The sequel begins with Banderas’ Puss in Boots tearing into a Goliath-like villain, easily overcoming an opponent with swashbuckling and swoon-worthy precision. Seriously, only Banderas could play this role – Dreamworks had better not think of ever recasting this part.

Puss in Boots is suddenly made aware of his mortality, as he’s down to the last of his nine lives (a montage of how the first eight expired is hilarious). Worse still, Death is upon him and appears to be the one foe he can’t overcome.

A quest for an extension of his mortal expiration date leads Puss in Boots to team up with a former love (voiced by Salma Hayek) and an odd little dog in need of a family unit as much as the title character.

The plot is overly busy, with some of the supporting characters not generating as much narrative spark as one would hope. Case in point: in pursuit of the heroes are Goldilocks (Florence Pugh) and the three bears (one of which is voiced by Olivia Colman).

 

 
 
 
 
 
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Despite the voice talent involved, the characters don’t elevate the film the way, for example, John Lithgow stole long stretches of the first and best “Shrek” (2001).

A character who, I suspect, will create mild controversy is Jack Horner, voiced by John Mulaney. Why? The character resembles a political cartoon caricature of a certain former U.S. President (You know, the one from “Home Alone 2: Lost in New York”).

Considering the long production and delayed release of this film, it’s imaginable that the character might have generated headlines had the film been released (at one point, it was scheduled to open in 2018). Now, it feels like a dated reference (and Mulaney’s vocal performance doesn’t lean into a specific caricature).

If it’s intended as subversive political satire in a children’s film, then the end result is tame, as the character feels more like extra baggage than the film needs.

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Far better is the inclusion of Death, who stalks and terrorizes Puss in Boots; the intensity of the character is enough to me suggest parents see this first before taking their youngest to the theater. Unlike the aforementioned Jack Horner, Death has real teeth; the final battle between Puss in Boots and Death is truly thrilling, the film at its creative peak.

Otherwise, there are too many subplots and the added sidekick of Perritio, a needy and sweet therapy dog, is hit and miss; I like how the dog is clearly meant to be a Sancho Panzo to Boot’s Don Quixote but the character isn’t consistently funny.

The animation style often leans towards the anime-enhancement scene in the fantastic “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” though the visual approach is most often reminiscent of a video game.

Scenes of a map layout and views of characters running and hopping away have the look of gameplay. Thankfully, the film is always visually arresting, even when it looks like a video game promo.

RELATED: ‘FERNGULLY’ – WHEN ANIMATION TRUMPED MESSAGING

The first “Puss in Boots” was funnier and had a stronger focus as it told a grand story. Despite being overly busy and not always a slam dunk, “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” is better than one would expect from a long-delayed sequel to a franchise that seemed to have peaked a decade ago.

I hope Banderas (the film’s VIP and, as always, so enjoyable to listen to) and his swashbuckling feline make last return. For now, “The Last Wish” is an enjoyable time for family Christmas moviegoing.

Two and a Half Stars

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Shia LaBeouf’s Mutt Will Be Addressed In Indiana Jones 5, Plus More Details About Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Dial Of Destiny Character

Shia LaBeouf’s Mutt Williams will be mentioned in Indiana Jones 5, and we’ve also learned more about how Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Helena fits into The Dial of Destiny.

Looks Like The Amber Heard And Johnny Depp Settlement Won't Be Anywhere Near What The Jury Awarded

The legal fight between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard appears to be over and the settlement is surprising.

A List Of The Most Searched 90s Christmas Movies By State Came Out, And I'm Rattled At Some Of These Choices

The list of the most searched Christmas movies from the 90s broke things down by state, and there are some weird ones.

Dax Shepard Claps Back After Tabloid Refers To Him And Ben Affleck As ‘Hollywood’s Most Henpecked Husbands’

Dax Shepard is calling out a tabloid headline on behalf of himself and a couple other high profile celebrity husbands.

Ryan Reynolds Responds To Shania Twain’s Lyrics Change, And How It Helped Him In A Really ‘Embarrassing’ Moment

Ryan Reynolds got called out by Shania Twain at the People's Choice Awards, going viral in the process.

Amber Heard Speaks Out About Settling Johnny Depp Case: ‘It’s Important For Me To Say I Never Chose This’

Months after the Virginia defamation case between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard had concluded, Heard has an announcement.

Watch Tom Cruise Casually Jump Out Of A Plane While Thanking Fans For Top Gun: Maverick's Success

Tom Cruise wants to wish you a happy holidays... while jumping out of an airplane.

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Director Shares Glimpse Of Tom Cruise Standing On A Flying Plane As Film Wraps For The Holidays

Mission: Impossible's Christopher McQuarrie shared a sweet BTS photo of Tom Cruise, as the Dead Reckoning cast wraps for the holidays.

Here’s What You Missed About the Overrated ‘Bodies Bodies Bodies’

Few films earned as much hipster cred this year than “Bodies Bodies Bodies.”

Modern critics are more amenable to horror of late, and that helped. The film’s mostly female cast and director didn’t hurt, either, nor its diverse cast.

The rest, alas, is a mystery.

The indie thriller is a mediocre pastiche of Gen Z types, one more detestable than the next. It’s common for genre films to make potential victims worthy of their fate, but “Bodies” takes that to a grinding new level.

The biggest shocker? The film skewers the woke agenda, but somehow most critics didn’t mind. That’s progress, of sorts.

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Young lovers Sophie (Amandla Stenberg) and Bee (Maria Bakalova) open the film with a series of long, wet open-mouth kisses.

Take that, Red State America!

The sequence, like several others, exists for no creative reason. It just take up time, and even at an allegedly lean 95 minutes, “Bodies” should have snipped them away.

The new couple is en route to a friend’s party, held at an extravagant mansion that should be a perfect setting for mayhem.

The attendees are alternately entitled or detestable, each with an ax to grind about something. Wannabe actress Emma (Chase Sui Wonders) tolerates the ill-mannered shtick served up by David (Pete Davidson, his tattoos covered up in expert fashion).

Alice (Rachel Sennott) and Jordan (Myha’la Herrold) leave little impression.

The oddball in the bunch is Greg (Lee Pace) who seems double everyone else’s age. He keeps his composure despite serial indignities (There’s a message here, y’all).

That leaves us with endless, mindless banter. We endure 15 minutes of just that, and there’s little wrong with that approach assuming the film brings the goods later on. Horror movies often have to clear their narrative throats before the nastiness kicks in.

Here, it’s a murder mystery game called, what else, Bodies Bodies Bodies. But what happens when a real dead body makes an appearance?

Paste Magazine called “Bodies Bodies Bodies” an “ode to Gen Z.” If that’s an “ode,” we’d hate to see a roast.

The film skewers these pretty, petulant characters at every turn. They’re emotionally fragile, quick to judge and loyalty means little to them. They think they know everything, and when that proves demonstrably false they cling to their alleged wisdom.

That, of course, is the folly of youth, and the film’s gaggle of screenwriters (Sarah DeLappe, Kristen Roupenian, Chloe Okuno, Josh Sharp, Aaron Jackson) could weave something special out of that naïveté.

They don’t, alas, nor does “Bodies” offer much in the way of scares. It’s as shock-free as one of 2022’s worst genre films, “They/Them.”

RELATED: ‘TERRIFIER 2’ FLIPS BLOODY BIRD TO WOKE HORROR

The dialogue name checks plenty “of the moment” phrases like gaslighting, with Davidson mocking the character who utters it in a less than witty fashion. The riffs on social media, and living lives on the web and phone, are on-point but hardly original.

Director Halina Reijn handcuffs herself by setting a large portion of the story in the dark, thanks to a loitering hurricane that takes out the power. The dark can be ideal for horror high jinks. Consider how Neil Marshall weaponized light in his seminal horror film “The Descent.”

Reijn’s vision is devoid of both scares and thrills. It’s visual chaos, and it’s exasperating. The whodunnit part of the story is marginally better, but Agatha Christie-types still have little to feast upon.

Meanwhile, the young cast feeds on each other.

Accusations fly. Past sins are revealed. It’s interesting, to a point, except we have little interest in any of these characters. They’re not even hissable enough to root for their demise.

Here’s where it gets interesting, at least on paper.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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“Bodies Bodies Bodies” makes sure we know these characters are woke to the core. One even uses the word “ally,” and not in a sarcastic way. The more blood is spilled, the more they show their fraudulent natures.

They only care about themselves, even if they pretend otherwise. It’s a perfect description of Woke, Inc.

That wrinkle, both unexpected and fresh, can’t prop up “Bodies Bodies Bodies.” Still, its emergence, along with the viral rant Cate Blanchett delivers to a snowflake in “Tar,” suggests a few Hollywood scribes have had enough of the woke mind virus.

If only “Bodies Bodies Bodies” had more to say on the issue, or could eke out some thrills in this otherwise plodding affair.

HiT or Miss: The mediocre “Bodies Bodies Bodies” got more buzz than most horror films in 2022, making it one of the year’s most overrated affairs.

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M3GAN’s Director Gave A Surprising Response When Asked About How The Doll Was Created

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Rotten Tomatoes Audiences Are Loving Avatar: The Way Of Water Even More Than The Original

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More Than A Year And A Half After JLo Split, A-Rod Goes Instagram Official With New Woman

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Top Gun: Maverick's Glen Powell Explains Why He Thought He 'Ruined' Hidden Figures

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Barbie And Oppenheimer Come Out On The Same Day, And The Internet Has Some Hilarious Thoughts About The Double Feature

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Brad Pitt Weighs In On Whether Margot Robbie Really Did Sneak In Their Babylon Kiss

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Chris Rock Explains Why He Always Thinks Of Chris Farley Whenever He Sees Adam Sandler In A Project Like Uncut Gems

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James Cameron Responds To Matt Damon Revealing He Declined 10% Of Avatar

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Avatar’s Sam Worthington Recalls His Failed James Bond Audition

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Following The Passing Of tWitch, Tyler Perry Discloses His History With Suicide Attempts

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Margot Robbie Lights Up The Babylon Red Carpet In Abs-Baring Dress (With A Hood!)

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Babylon Reviews Are Here, See What Critics Are Saying About Damian Chazelle’s Hollywood Epic

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Brendan Fraser Credits Matt Damon For Helping Him Land His Big Hollywood Break

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Margot Robbie's Barbie Trailer Shows First Look At Dreamhouses And Simu Liu's Sweet Dance Moves

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Simu Liu Shared A Barbie Screening Room Photo, And Envy Levels Are Through The Roof

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Despite Zach Braff And Florence Pugh Breaking Up Earlier This Year, He Has Nothing But Kind Words About His Ex’s Performance In His Upcoming Film

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Hideo Kojima Is Turning His Death Stranding Video Game Into A Movie, So Will He Bring Its All-Star Cast Along?

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John Wick 4 Director Chad Stahaelski Reveals A Major Way The Keanu Reeves’ New Setting Will Change The Action

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Kate Winslet Talks The Resurgence Of The Titanic Door Debate And How She Really Feels About Leo’s Character’s Sacrifice

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Jerry Bruckheimer Gets Asked About A Johnny Depp Pirates Of The Caribbean Return, And I Hope He Has A Million Alpacas Handy

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Tom Hanks, Other Famous Names Targeted By Man Who Attacked Paul Pelosi With A Hammer

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Will Indiana Jones 5 Bring Back Karen Allen? Here's What The Actress Says About The Dial Of Destiny

Here’s what Karen Allen had to say about whether we’ll see her in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.

Avatar and Guardians’ Zoe Saldaña Clarifies Comments About Being ‘Stuck’ In Franchise Work

Avatar and Guardians star Zoe Saldaña finally got the chance to clarify those comments about being "stuck" in franchise work.

Jennifer Aniston Bought A Big ’Ol Christmas Tree, Then Threw A Star-Studded Party With Sandra Bullock, Courteney Cox And So Many More A-Listers

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Dwayne Johnson’s Hobbs And Shaw Producer Provides Update On Sequel

The Fast and Furious spinoff was supposed to get a sequel, but things have been quiet for some time.

Bruce Willis And Ex Demi Moore Pose Alongside His Wife And Daughters In Lovely Blended Family Photo

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Jennifer Coolidge Recalls How American Pie Impacted Her Love Life And Addresses Sexual Claim She Once Made

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Glass Onion Confirms Daniel Craig’s Benoit Blanc Is Queer, But Rian Johnson Explains Why He Doesn’t Get Too Bogged Down With His Backstory

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The Story Behind Why Brendan Fraser Won’t Attend The Golden Globes Ceremony, Despite Nomination

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Fifty Shades’ Marcia Gay Harden Opens Up ‘Sexual Unleashing’ In Fandom And Why Being In The Thick Of It Was ‘Fascinating’

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Christopher Nolan Seems Pumped About Oppenheimer, Talks The ‘Big Practical Challenges’ The A-Lister Movie Posed

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Timothée Chalamet Is All Smiles As Dune Part Two Wraps Production

Dune: Part Two is one step closer to becoming a reality.

James Cameron Missing Avatar 2 Premiere Thanks To COVID, But Has A Practical Attitude About It

James Cameron will have to miss the Avatar: The Way of Water premiere in Los Angeles because of COVID, but at least he’s handling it well.

Bam Margera Posts Message To Fans Following Hospitalization

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Taylor Swift Is Making A Movie And Of Course Swifties Have Theories

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Jason Momoa Explains All Of His Tattoos And Has A Funny Answer When Asked How Long The One On His Head Took

Jason Momoa explained all of his tattoos and gave a funny answer regarding how long the one on his head took.

JLo’s Reportedly Been Good For Ben Affleck, But Looks Like She’s Been Bad For His Dunkin Donuts Habit

Ben Affleck has become synonymous with Dunkin after going viral various times over the years.

Lady Gaga Picked Up A Golden Globe Nomination For Top Gun: Maverick, But Tom Cruise Did Not

The Golden Globes are always good for a few shocks, and Tom Cruise getting snubbed is one from today.

Daniel Craig Recalls The Funny Conversation He Had With Barbara Broccoli After Realizing Playing James Bond Wasn’t A One And Done Deal

Daniel Craig played James Bond for a whopping five movies, but he wasn't always sure about that.

Kate Hudson Has Some Blunt Thoughts About Modern Rom-Coms

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Jackass Star Johnny Knoxville Is Facing A Lawsuit, And Emotional Distress Is Reportedly Involved

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Vacation Star Beverly D'Angelo Reflects On Her Now Ex-Husband's Reaction When He Found Out She Was Leaving Him For Al Pacino

Beverly D'Angelo shares more details about her eventful love life during the '90s.

‘Empire of Light’ Is a Glorious Visual Feast (But Not Much Else)

Every film lover has their favorite movie theater, a place that lives in the mind as not merely a place to sit and escape but a temple that allows for memory and imagination to run wild as we gaze into someone else’s dreams.

Yes, I’m talking about brick-and-mortar movie theaters, some of which can be described as the kind of charmingly run down, downright sleazy auditoriums with impossibly sticky floors and seats that clang after you get up to leave.

There are also the movie palaces, those gorgeous monuments that, by mere entrance, give you the feel that you’re about to witness something truly special, despite the title on your ticket declaring “Freddy Got Fingered.”

Anyone who views filmgoing as a place to get lost and found in the flicker of an artist’s cinematic dreams has a theater they return to, either presently or in the dusty memory that they keep polished with fondness.

Sam Mendes’ “Empire of Light” is about this very thing, a loving tribute to the old style of moviegoing, particularly a massive, classical and multi-level theater in England called the Empire.

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The film is also about a lonely worker at the theater, played by Olivia Colman, who has an inappropriate relationship with her boss (Colin Firth) and begins an unexpected friendship with the new usher (Micheal Ward).

This is a character drama, but more importantly, it’s about a time gone by and longed for by cinephiles who prefer the experience of seeing movies in a place of meaning and not simply at home.

“Empire of Light” is the kind of movie where characters walk past a hallway of framed movie posters of great films, walk up and down a theater aisle and marvel at its beauty and even discuss the science of projection.

Toby Jones plays the theater’s projectionist and his monolog about how it works and involves the remarkable science of still photographs appearing to move is another highlight.

If only the characters were as textured as the setting.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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Like the rotting mall movie theaters of my youth, with their stained carpets, rickety seating and fading marquee signs, this is the type of film I’ll watch again to revisit the setting but with a mild regard of the story.

Mendes has run into trouble before with his smaller films: while his two James Bond films, as well as “Road to Perdition” (2002) are masterpieces, his “Away We Go” wasn’t memorable or even remarkable. Mendes has always been a stronger visualist than storyteller.

Roger Deakins’ cinematography is exquisite and the reason why this should only be seen on the biggest screen possible. In fact, the film looks so extraordinary, the warm, often breathtaking visuals are almost enough to distract you from a story that isn’t anywhere near as strong.

However, if you’ve ever worked at a movie theater or ever attended a film palace like the Empire in this film, the specifics of the art direction (like the glowing neon and vintage movie posters) will add to the tribute to movie houses (and, to a lesser degree, those who work there) Mendes is going for.

Colman is very good here, but she’s played better, richer roles. It’s nice to see Firth excel playing such a slimy character. As much as I loved all the scenes of how the theater works and holds its forgotten secrets, nothing here comes close to Giuseppe Tornatore’s “Cinema Paradiso” (1989).

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While it explores an environment where casual racism and indifference towards bigotry plagues the landscape, Mendes’ heart is really in the movie theater scenes. Of course, once our protagonist finally decides to go watch a movie, it’s Hal Ashby’s profound “Being There” and not, say “Friday the 13th, Part 2.”

While the screenplay is quite serious and delves into topics like bigotry and social etiquette, I always found Mendes’ lingering over the projector booth, lobby and empty dining room more compelling than the love story.

After the back-to-back 007 blockbusters and the surprise hit of “1917,” Mendes was clearly in a position to ask for and get to do whatever film project he wanted. This isn’t a folly, but it isn’t a total success, either.

I found myself turning around during a screening of “Empire of Light” and noticing the projector booth, with its warm glow and rays of film extending to the screen. Mendes (and certainly Deakins) reminded me of how special it is to be out and in a movie theater, and I appreciated the reminder.

Two and a Half Stars

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“Triangle of Sadness” roasts the filthy rich for 90 glorious minutes.

The problem? There’s still a good hour of film left, and the final act is interminable.

This year’s Palme d’Or at Cannes.winner packs the subtlety of an “Itchy & Scratchy” short, but most viewers won’t care. The one-percent takedowns prove as decadent as the meals served in “The Menu.”

It’s lip-smackingly good.

The film runs out of satirical targets before director Ruben Östlund of “Force Majure” fame stumbles. By that last reel, he’s naming his targets in the film’s dialogue.

Literally.

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Young lovers Yaya and Carl (Charlbi Dean Kriek and Harris Dickinson) fight over the dinner check as the story opens. She’s a glamorous influencer with cash to burn (we assume). He’s a male model forced to strut his stuff in humiliating auditions.

His introductory scene mocks Balenciaga in a way that makes the company’s current woes seem quaint.

The couple settle their gender-based argument and, later, embark on a luxury cruise. The ultra-rich passengers have their every needs met, and these soulless cads get creative with their demands.

One crew member gets the boot mid-cruise for the crime of saying, “hello” to a passenger’s girlfriend.

RELATED: ‘INHERITANCE’ SLAMS THE RICH ALONG WITH COMMON SENSE

Östlund gets plenty of mileage out of his satirical targets, from an elderly couple who sell weapons of war for profit to a woman who insists the motorized yacht has “dirty sails.”

It’s machine-gunning fish in a barrel, but the pacing works in Östlund’s favor. And that’s before Woody Harrelson arrives as a drunken captain who pines for a Marxist world order.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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Disaster strikes the vessel in more ways than one. The minute Harrelson’s character starts reciting Marxist bon mots “Triangle” hits a creative iceberg. His anti-American rant signals both the film’s obvious agenda (duh!) and, more importantly, its creative decline.

Reagan devotees might nod along with “Triangle’s” satirical broadsides up until this point, even as their favorite president gets name-checked by a creepy capitalist (Zlatko Buric).

Now, the lectures arrive without all that fancy gift wrapping. And, when the boat’s passengers end up on a remote island, Östlund gives up trying to entertain us.

“Triangle of Sadness” becomes an MSNBC-style monologue delivered by Keith Olbermann.

The laughs disappear, woke narratives flood the screen and Ostlund’s screenplay makes characters mouth his talking points:

  • Down with the Patriarchy!
  • Socialism rocks!
  • America is the Great Satan!

The beauty behind “Triangle of Sadness’s” first half is how its socialist world view entertains people of all political stripes. Funny is funny, and the cartoonishly rich are ripe for ridicule.

The belabored finale stumbles in all the ways that matter. Characters become maddeningly inconsistent. The plucky humor evaporates. The film’s intentions lap any attempt at coherent storytelling.

Poor Dolly De Leon. Her character becomes integral to the story but exists solely to send a socialist message to viewers. 

Here’s one: What a shame that a ship as sturdy as “Triangle of Sadness” springs so many leaks.

HiT or Miss: “Triangle of Sadness” rips the rich in some hilarious ways before resorting to a primer on Marxism 101 (without laughs or tension).

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